My first day of school.

Today was haphazard. I did not wake up at my designated time of 7:45 (in preparation for tomorrows 6:00), instead it was somewhere near 11:30. Whoops. Fortunately the extra few hours proved good for all that back and shoulder pain I've been feeling recently. Loosing weight has been hard on me, I think. This is not the intentional weight loss, folks, just my encounter with the world of finances. I couldn't eat as much as I used to, and I walk everywhere now. Consequently with less blubber to shield my muscles and bones, they seem to have more aches and pains then before.

I finally plugged this computer into the Internet yesterday. It's been approximately 35 hours so far, and I've accomplished a good deal of what I needed. Created accounts for the websites I needed; ebay, craig's list, deviantart, paypal, my bank, etc. I researched cornsnakes, downloaded my common programs, signed up on my haunts (this included), all of which took up a good amount of time considering I use dial-up now. Yes... the days of broadband are temporarily over. It's that whole... money thing.

This blog is dedicated to my past as well as my present life. I'm hoping to create something of a common occurrence; to write a little something about my day, and then a little something about a memory or conversation or some such from my young life. I hope I'll go in order, but I'm likely to skip around depending on what's on my mind, and what the day has brought up.

I just figured I have had a pretty interesting life, and that writing it down would be good for me. And hey, it may be good for you too. Who knows?

The title of this blog; letters from the stars; is a reference to my being told to have always had my head up there, amongst the stars, fantasizing heavier then most. I've been criticized for it and, in retrospect, as a new observer of the world I can see why. This is a very realistic place, cold and hard and unforgiving in many places. I can liken the world to many things, but the first that I thought of is the weather. You have your harsh and unforgiving, the absolute pandemonium, the times of peace, excitement, and everything in between. This world truly is marvelous.

I have lived a life in two worlds, it seems. This world, this real world, and the world that my young mind and my parents shaped for me. Just as a warning; I was and continue to be a very confused individual. I do not find this a hindrance so much just yet, but it is starting to get on my nerves.

--------------------------

From 2-5th grade I was in a completely different school (district) each year. Each year I had to find new friends. My birthday is on September 2, the same day as my father, which coincides directly with the first day of school.

When I was in fourth grade, I started to wonder if I would ever have friends at my birthday parties again. That was the first year I moved to Missouri, after a month of summer, missing terribly my life in California. I missed the familiar streets, my friends, but most of all I had a simple, child-like need to see my father again. I missed him so much.

The nights before I started at Foxdale elementary I cried myself to sleep. At one point my mother crossed by my open door and realized that I was in tears. She came into my room and sat down on my bed, trying to soothe me and ask what was wrong. I told her, "I miss dad."

Of course she gave me the well-rehearsed reasons why we had to move. Don't you love your new bedroom? See, you get it all to yourself. And you finally have a yard to play with. Hey--why don't we get a dog? Would you like a dog, sweetie?

I didn't want a dog, I wanted my daddy back.

And so with this terrible hurt inside, a terribly large hurt for a young thing, I started my first day of school. Friendless and always too shy for my own good, it took me a few days to start talking to Ericka. Ericka was African-American and, being that we lived in Northern Missouri, had been outcast by most of the other little groups of children. It was my first real encounter with racism.

Ericka was really cool. She had a mom that looked like a movie star--I was convinced she was Jasmine (Vivica A. Fox) from Independence Day for a while--and a father that cooked a large dinner every night. She had a younger brother and (even though I cringe at this) as I recall her room was dedicated with Hanson posters--a prime factor for our friendship.

I don't remember much of our friendship, to be honest, and I'm sad about that. I know that I enjoyed her company, but it was when mom met Jim and we moved that I fell out of touch with her.

When we moved (southwards, apprx. 40 miles), I went to the summer Foxdale program for a while. I still saw Ericka there, and there was plenty to do. The program there had a lot more to offer academically and sports-wise (I was very into sports at this point, especially basketball and soccer) then any offered in Belton, my new town. Mom took me there before and after work even though it was 10-15 miles out of her way. Then, one day, I forgot my swimsuit.

This isn't such a big deal, right? Wrong.

Mom flips, turns the car around on the highway, and screams at me about my forgetfulness and the "waste of time" for the next ten minutes. Terrified, I simply cling to my seat and stay quiet. I never went back to the summer program and I never saw my friend again. I had other friends at that point, though their faces and names blur, but as young as we were... we did not keep in touch.

I was on my own for another year.

Luckily Belton only had separate elementary schools, so I kept a lot of my friends from there. In fact, those were my longest friendships. To this day I'm still friends with Matthew (some 8.5 years and counting).

The first day of school was always anticipatory for me, even now. If I go to a class I stress a little and fuss a little more then I feel is average simply because I want to make an impression, because I don't want to be the lonely girl in the corner. I remember that it was hard to make new friends and have to say good-bye after every single year, four years in a row. It was during the divorce and custody proceedings of my mother and father. It was one of the most hectic periods of my life. I suppose the first day of school simply reminds me how vulnerable I am to impressions and quick judgment, to being singled out as "odd".

-----------------------------

Vous offrir au revoir et bonne nuit,

-Lady Teigra-