To crawl inside the wire, feel something near me.

I'm going to rant a bit.

I've been kicked out of my house. My father has been on one of the lowest rungs of poverty since I was seven years old. I'm eighteen years old. I make twenty dollars an hour, yes, but I only work sixteen to twenty hours a week. I have to pay for food, rent, bills, clothes, cat toys & food and everything else that, if you're in this situation, you know crops up eventually. And now I'm realizing another, rather serious, thing that I have lacking from my equations and that is going to put another--very large--hole in my budget.

I. HAVE. NO. HEALTH. INSURANCE.

Recently I've been feeling very ill. Sick to my stomach--throwing up a half dozen times in the last two months seemingly at random. I've been having sharp pains in my pelvis, upper abdomen, the left side of my chest and in my shoulders, neck and head. When I say head, I don't mean headache pains, I mean SHARP STABBING PAINS that can sometimes temporarily incapacitate me. These ailments have been quite random, not following any recognizable pattern (I have been jotting them down as to when, where, how, what I was doing before, etc., in a 'ailment journal' I started a few weeks ago). They last from about a minute and a half to twenty minutes, then disappear.

A month and a half ago I went down to Social Services to file for MediCal, the local Medicare coverage whatnot. I was told that my coverage would start sometime in the next five months, and that I was not to cancel my current insurance until then.

Current insurance... ha!

So now I'm thinking of saying, "Fuck it", because I really need to get to a doctor and see what the HELL is going on with me. I'm not sure if this is simply stress and anxiety related, or if it is something worse, better... I DON'T KNOW. I'm not a doctor.

The thing is; even if I was patient and waited for the MediCal application to go through, I'd still have to drag my happy ass down to the Social Service office every three weeks (a three hour round-trip journey by bus) to sit in their grungy little chairs with every low-life FUCK trying to see up my skirt or down my blouse or else outwardly hitting on me/propositioning me for the sum total of four to six hours. JUST so that I can show my social worker my latest NONEXISTANT paystubs (I work for cash, under the table, so sue me).

I'm all for getting free stuff, but it isn't really free when it's taking up that much of my time.

So, onwards to hunt down medical insurance for some sort of affordable rate. Hopefully I'll find something so I can see the SAME DOCTOR each time. I like that, I really do. This whole... seeing a different person every damn time has been really irritating. Especially when my "insurance" only covers my womanlies at the moment.

This is just downright fucking annoying though. I'm likely only going to able to afford the insurance as long as I stay in this condo with zero rent. Afterwards, I will not have the money to spend.

I bet you're wondering--wait, if you're not paying rent, what's the big deal? You can totally afford insurance with twenty dollars an hour!

You forget my debt. And the fact that I have to pay for four hundred dollars (maybe less if I get them used) worth of text books in the next two weeks, and transportation, and food... and the list goes on, and it's not pretty. Let's say that, weekly, I'm left holding about $3.45 to do what I will with them. This time around I bought a pair of cheap sunglasses. Go me.

Getting kicked up seriously screwed up my finances for a while. I could not pay off the fees for dropping out of college and it went to a creditor person. Same thing with getting in my car accident. I'm now paying for 16 months worth of penalties for being late. It equals out to rent cost pretty quickly.

But I'm going to suck it up and pay for things--again. Looks like less splurging on the food and back to a primarily rice and vegetable diet! Damn--I was liking meat.

Maggio il vostro amore di luce non penetrare l'oscurità della notte,

-Lady Teigra-